Home

I don't know what home is anymore...I can honestly say that I like SD best because so far its my favorite place to be alone. Only very rarely do I get lonely in SD because I have so much to busy myself with if I want to. Over here I am sitting around all the time and that has me lonely most of the time. If anything I am a completely uprooted person. Generally being in our world is an uncomfortable experience for me. I feel often like I was born in the wrong time and place...like I have little in common with anyone. I get frustrated with everyone knowing what I should be doing, the whole world seems to have an idea of what I should busy myself with. I think that the period of time I live in is the worst that has ever existed in Historic human experience. "But Tim, we have so much more junk now than we ever have." The Middle Ages were ravaged by war and disease and Western civilization survived by a series of fortunate accidents. Today we are ravaged by things, technology, money...our malady is more thorough than any that has ever been experienced. I have no doubt that if man ever emerges from this dark period he will look back on our time and think "we barely survived that intact." I do not think we will survive it though...we will become more and more decadent, otherworldly, greedy and a-communal. When a society pressures you to the breaking point to stop thinking so much and get a crummy repetitive job then all is near lost. Many people want more time off from work...I suggest we make an agreement with management that if we take some extra time on nights and weekends to train our dogs to do the work we do...and in most cases they can be trained to do our jobs...then we will share time with them, and take time off to try to recover humanity from its abyssmal state. We are not human by nature...we cultivate the (mis-named) "human" side of our existence. Today we no longer esteem those who preserve and generate our excellences...we praise the people who consume and regurgitate the most "things." What will be our legacy, what will we leave to future generations? Fortune magazines 100 wealthiest people, People magazines "sexiest" celebrity, a whole host of gadgets that set ourselves further from our hearts in the guise of making people "more connected." What is a self, we are in no position to say...we the most "self-less" of all epochs...selfless is not an ethical evaluation! What is a home? We who think we have abolished the need for corporeal encounters and spatial proximity with cell phones and the Internet! How dare we speculate. Here is what I am saying, if everyone is content with watching our civilization go down the tubes in the name of progress and success then you can have it. I place myself firmly in the other camp, with the madmen who think that thought, engagement, community and the like are still the basis of a healthy existence in a depraved world...here is a metaphor, which we supra-liguistic unworldy beasts may not understand anymore...we are walking through the ashes...I am looking for a fire in a world that favors one with the biggest pile of rubble. If I have to live forever outside in discomfort then this is my gift to the "taking-world." Sometimes one should look at the symbols and coding pressuring you to be one of the many and say whether or not this is the kind of existence we really want to be cultivating...if so then that is fine, but your "self-being" is made significant in opposition to my alienation...I do not know what to say anymore...I could never say what I mean anyway because what I am trying to mean is required to be without sense in order to maintain the meaningfulness of that which I speak against....