A Revolutionary Commitment
I am leaning heavily toward coming back to the US at the beginning of August and returning to Sweden right after my sisters wedding. Why the change of heart? Several reasons:
1) It will be easier for me to get my dissertation done there with the resources of free printing, copying, eating, sleeping.
2) I will be insanely stressed and it will be nice to have friends, family, fishing (surfing) and maybe a gym membership to take my frustration out on.
3) I want to go to San Diego for 2 weeks, this is more palatable to those concerned (in Texas) if I am in the US for more than 3 weeks.
4) I will be running out of money by then and my money will go a lot further in the US than it will in Sweden.
5) I have to get a visa and this has to be done in either the UK or the US. I hate the UK, therefore it should be done in the US. My only other option is going to be spending almost a month in London doing the couch shuffle at various friends apartments. This will be expensive and intolerable for everyone involved in a thousand different ways.
6) If things go as planned then I will be in Stockholm for quite a while...so it will be nice to spend a little time in the US before returning to my adopted home for an indefinate period.
I will pay rent here over that time to hold my place, so technically I am still living in Sweden but on vacation. This has the added benefit of staying on the good side of the Swedish government by not running too far outside the immigration laws...because respect of the laws, especially stupid and exploitative ones, is a major concern of mine as an attorney.
I am also fretting the decision of "what next" terribly. I love Sweden, and I like the idea of staying for a long time in another society to learn the culture, language, way of life...its a mind broadening experience. Let me give you a quick example...the country "Belarus" is called "Vitrussisk" in Swedish. That means, roughly, "White Russia." My roommate, who speaks Russian, told me that "bela" means "white" in Russian. So I got to thinking why it could be called that, and, although I have not verified, I think it may have to do with the civil war and the White army that the Bolsheviks (Red army) defeated. Had I not started learning Swedish that probably would have never occurred to me. And anyway, I have made no secret of the fact that I like the Scandinavian lifestyle and political/socio-economic landscape. I like the fact that I can work a 40 hour week here and not be threatened with half-time pay or the loss of my job.
The point though is that I need some perspective because this is a very big decision. I am getting to the point in my life that I have called the "inertia period." This is the time when your decisions and their consequences change qualitatively. A small decision for me as a student, moving to another country, becomes a huge decision as a professional because of the inertia factor.
Many people give up the "illusion" of freedom at this point in their lives, often inadvertantly, and tie themselves to commitments and obligations that tend to last the duration of their lives. I have one of those commitments that was made in the "spontenaity period," student loans. These start to assume their permanent color as you stand in at the threshold of the inertia period. I know that in order not to become completely devastated, in the form of having my life completely and irrevocably ruined, I have to hold a stable and high-paying job for a long time...for an indefinate time. This is the consequence of the two-fold phenomenon of being an American, and having to deal with our idiotic and stone-age education funding system, and the mistake of going to law school. This really compromises my life at the outset.
Sweden is very attractive because it allows me to hit back at this two-headed tyrant. First of all, I am considering leaving America because I am sick of it. I do fully blame our society for my debts...I do not know a single European who has a burden like I do and their education was no worse off for it. I think it is stupid and unjust beyond words that by the time I am allowed to vote I am also supposed to have entered into, or be entering into, higher-education, and consequently financing it. So any opportunity for political action on my part that may affect this life-determining event will come years after the fact. And it would not matter anyway because the credit agencies and their ilk are in bed with the legislature in addition to having the entire country in a strangle-hold (as I have said before, the poor have nothing, the rich have everything, and the middle class borrow their existence from the wealthy...do a rundown of what you "own" and see if it amounts to much more than credit card debt, a mortgage or rent, a car payment, university loans, etc...). Sweden also allows me to make a good salary in a good and stable job without the commitment to that job rendering void the rest of my life. I am a lawyer by accident, by a mistake, as a lawyer in America that becomes a 100 hour a week mistake until my (hopefully untimely) death...here its 40-50 and I can live a life I enjoy on the side. "Eight hours to work, eight hours to sleep, and eight hours to do what we will." That was the mantra of the 19th century labor movement in America, my how far we have fallen!
So I dread my potential lifestyle, and, to put it bluntly, I hate almost everything about the United States...this is a considered, personal, and educated hatred. So why is the decision difficult? Because I love my friends and family...and most of them are in America, and I love San Diego...thats it! Those two lines balance out the six paragraph diatribe from above.
I will almost certainly settle in Sweden for a while, if for no other reason than I want to learn the language and live in another society...there is no other time than now. But I need some time for reflection and I need some perspective. I need to go surfing/fishing with my friends, I need to watch Seinfeld with my dad and eat peanuts, I need to go see a movie with my mom and be brought to near tears of rage with the fact that she insists on keeping her cell-phone on vibrate during the film, I need to go outrun my little sister a couple times before she can outrun me, I need to continue shoving my little brother toward philosophy and away from Texas before its too late (the great agitator) and listen to him whine about how hard it is to squat 150 lbs, and I need to be involved in my little sisters wedding...so that is that...I think I will come back for two months!
I am leaning heavily toward coming back to the US at the beginning of August and returning to Sweden right after my sisters wedding. Why the change of heart? Several reasons:
1) It will be easier for me to get my dissertation done there with the resources of free printing, copying, eating, sleeping.
2) I will be insanely stressed and it will be nice to have friends, family, fishing (surfing) and maybe a gym membership to take my frustration out on.
3) I want to go to San Diego for 2 weeks, this is more palatable to those concerned (in Texas) if I am in the US for more than 3 weeks.
4) I will be running out of money by then and my money will go a lot further in the US than it will in Sweden.
5) I have to get a visa and this has to be done in either the UK or the US. I hate the UK, therefore it should be done in the US. My only other option is going to be spending almost a month in London doing the couch shuffle at various friends apartments. This will be expensive and intolerable for everyone involved in a thousand different ways.
6) If things go as planned then I will be in Stockholm for quite a while...so it will be nice to spend a little time in the US before returning to my adopted home for an indefinate period.
I will pay rent here over that time to hold my place, so technically I am still living in Sweden but on vacation. This has the added benefit of staying on the good side of the Swedish government by not running too far outside the immigration laws...because respect of the laws, especially stupid and exploitative ones, is a major concern of mine as an attorney.
I am also fretting the decision of "what next" terribly. I love Sweden, and I like the idea of staying for a long time in another society to learn the culture, language, way of life...its a mind broadening experience. Let me give you a quick example...the country "Belarus" is called "Vitrussisk" in Swedish. That means, roughly, "White Russia." My roommate, who speaks Russian, told me that "bela" means "white" in Russian. So I got to thinking why it could be called that, and, although I have not verified, I think it may have to do with the civil war and the White army that the Bolsheviks (Red army) defeated. Had I not started learning Swedish that probably would have never occurred to me. And anyway, I have made no secret of the fact that I like the Scandinavian lifestyle and political/socio-economic landscape. I like the fact that I can work a 40 hour week here and not be threatened with half-time pay or the loss of my job.
The point though is that I need some perspective because this is a very big decision. I am getting to the point in my life that I have called the "inertia period." This is the time when your decisions and their consequences change qualitatively. A small decision for me as a student, moving to another country, becomes a huge decision as a professional because of the inertia factor.
Many people give up the "illusion" of freedom at this point in their lives, often inadvertantly, and tie themselves to commitments and obligations that tend to last the duration of their lives. I have one of those commitments that was made in the "spontenaity period," student loans. These start to assume their permanent color as you stand in at the threshold of the inertia period. I know that in order not to become completely devastated, in the form of having my life completely and irrevocably ruined, I have to hold a stable and high-paying job for a long time...for an indefinate time. This is the consequence of the two-fold phenomenon of being an American, and having to deal with our idiotic and stone-age education funding system, and the mistake of going to law school. This really compromises my life at the outset.
Sweden is very attractive because it allows me to hit back at this two-headed tyrant. First of all, I am considering leaving America because I am sick of it. I do fully blame our society for my debts...I do not know a single European who has a burden like I do and their education was no worse off for it. I think it is stupid and unjust beyond words that by the time I am allowed to vote I am also supposed to have entered into, or be entering into, higher-education, and consequently financing it. So any opportunity for political action on my part that may affect this life-determining event will come years after the fact. And it would not matter anyway because the credit agencies and their ilk are in bed with the legislature in addition to having the entire country in a strangle-hold (as I have said before, the poor have nothing, the rich have everything, and the middle class borrow their existence from the wealthy...do a rundown of what you "own" and see if it amounts to much more than credit card debt, a mortgage or rent, a car payment, university loans, etc...). Sweden also allows me to make a good salary in a good and stable job without the commitment to that job rendering void the rest of my life. I am a lawyer by accident, by a mistake, as a lawyer in America that becomes a 100 hour a week mistake until my (hopefully untimely) death...here its 40-50 and I can live a life I enjoy on the side. "Eight hours to work, eight hours to sleep, and eight hours to do what we will." That was the mantra of the 19th century labor movement in America, my how far we have fallen!
So I dread my potential lifestyle, and, to put it bluntly, I hate almost everything about the United States...this is a considered, personal, and educated hatred. So why is the decision difficult? Because I love my friends and family...and most of them are in America, and I love San Diego...thats it! Those two lines balance out the six paragraph diatribe from above.
I will almost certainly settle in Sweden for a while, if for no other reason than I want to learn the language and live in another society...there is no other time than now. But I need some time for reflection and I need some perspective. I need to go surfing/fishing with my friends, I need to watch Seinfeld with my dad and eat peanuts, I need to go see a movie with my mom and be brought to near tears of rage with the fact that she insists on keeping her cell-phone on vibrate during the film, I need to go outrun my little sister a couple times before she can outrun me, I need to continue shoving my little brother toward philosophy and away from Texas before its too late (the great agitator) and listen to him whine about how hard it is to squat 150 lbs, and I need to be involved in my little sisters wedding...so that is that...I think I will come back for two months!
posted by Lenin | 5:54 fm
1 Comments:
My excitement for Tim:
1. Seeing Disney movies with Mom in September.
2. Sweden and language immersion, though lacking surf spots, is an incredible opportunity that you have already begun. Have fun with the new culture and people!
My respect for Tim:
1. Choosing to try new cylcles of life that lack your love for surfing and the beach - not an easy task- but certainly demonstrates strong will and character- which, though you may not value, I do! Change is so hard, and I have to be forced to stop activities that I enjoy! Will power? At leats one of us has it!
2. Um, you are done with Law School! I will keep coming back to that, as I am incredibly proud of all of you accomplishments - though it may seem trite and of a certain American idealism to equate respect with success in higher education - You have set goals for yourself and achecieved them. I certainly don't think this as easy as you have made it look! :)
BEST IDEA!
When you go to the US, can I live in your apt. in Sweden? (pay rent, etc..)Yes, I am very very serious...
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